Beginning

 How hard writing can be I thought 2 months ago, I got a sketch book in front of me and tried to start writing something. I couldn't do it, I just got 2 words written to paper and I was struggling. Someone tried to push me into writing but I just couldn't do it. It felt super hard after all I was going through at the moment, I was thinking what on earth I should do to start over. I felt comfort coming from invisible, head touching and cheek kiss like it's alright, You can't do this right now, you better do it later. Sometimes I found myself just watching hours and hours my social medias and pinterest. Why I don't use this time more effective? I was thinking by myself. 

I was tearing my eyes off couple days ago, like I want get something more done in my life. I know that my life is pretty much full scheduled but I felt like I wasn't doing enough. I felt this same drive again from something, start writing, not the way you did before, I will help you and felt the same loving arms around me. You can do this, and you will be great this time. I started processing the idea at the same night, I was awake for 2 am. 

I woke up next day and thought, alright this is the day when I will get something done with this. After being awake for couple hours, I started to create something, like a little sketch about it, what I wanted to say and how. I had no idea what I was doing, just gathering some words and things I want to say. I wanted to do something more special than many other does, not just normal writing, not poems, not lyrics. Something between all of those, this need to have something more, something special. So I gathered some information around everywhere from everything I know so far, gathered them all together, my words all of it and there it started. 

I was pretty much gathering all kinda stuff together, just writing all kinda things to my paper. I didn't want to use any digital devices, I know that's not the way I wanna do this. I was listening Linkin Park music, having all kinda papers in front of me, including my browser open in front of me. I gathered even more material around me. Even more words was in front of me. I can tell you, my processes can get really messy, I dropped half of my stuff from table to floor and I didn't even got them back, they are still laying around the floor. Took me like 5 hours to gather all kinda words, sayings, material around me before I could start making something from it. I got some sketch done but I wasn't happy about it. So decided to rest a little bit but I couldn't fall in sleep, more sayings and words was coming to my head. 

Finally I was ready to finish it. I made it cleaner than it was before, I wanted make it more special than my sketch was. Alright, so pretty much this Beginning is done now, after 2 more hours, I need to publish it, so I got my blogger opened, created new blog page, new post and there it was and ready to go. This is my third time this same text will change a little bit. When I was finished with it, and shared it to my Twitter, I was so damn happy, smiling and dancing inside, many months of thinking I need to do this, is finally started. But it is just 

Beginning.